The Pressure of Holiday Planning
Do you ever feel a bit guilty for not going away during holidays from school when it seems that everyone else has been on their fourth trip this year (and it’s only April)? As a parent, it’s easy to feel like you’re falling behind when your child’s friends are already talking about their latest adventures. However, the reality is that not every family can afford or manage the kind of jetsetting lifestyle that some seem to live.
I have been the mother of a school-aged kid for less than a year, and since my son is only in Junior Infants and five years old, he hasn’t been jealous of other people’s lives yet. He doesn’t know that most of his school friends have been on holidays abroad, that they are airport pros and they know what it feels like to be properly hot. He hasn’t been on a ski holiday either, or on a cruise, or to a campsite – unless you count the ones we’ve been to that are less than an hour’s drive from our home.
But I’m not sure I actually have to worry about all of that. While I feel intense guilt about not being able to provide my little boy and his baby sister with the type of jetsetting lifestyle their peers seem to be living, I don’t think it really actually matters to them, at least during their childhood years.
An Insta personality, author Laura Jane Williams, went viral recently for her post on not bringing her family anywhere for the Easter hols. Her honest reason why she wasn’t taking her child to the sun, or skiing, was that she couldn’t afford it. She said that instead of going away, they were planning on not planning, and they would be hanging out together and going for walks, watching movies together and going to IKEA to ‘play kitchens’ and have some meatballs.
The post provoked a ton of feedback – and it was overwhelmingly positive. While Laura Jane says she wasn’t going to ‘Barcelona or the Maldives or Cornwall or for some last-minute skiing’ because she couldn’t afford it, the commenters responded not with sympathy but with praise. The common thread was that children don’t need expensive, lavish trips during the school holidays. The things they remember are having fun with their family, and that can be in your own back garden or the local park.
One person said that regardless of whether you can afford it, there is ‘so much childhood value’ in the kind of low-key holiday Laura had planned. They said, ‘Rushing around and constant commitments and posh holidays were not the thing of the 80s and I think that was a pretty awesome time to grow up. More of normalising being normal, thank you.’
Another person wrote, ‘Just like most of us grew up. This scenario that’s it’s normal for children to have ‘5 exciting big holidays’ abroad every year is too much. The pressure, the expense.. one a year if you are lucky. Sticking a child on a sun lounger for 2 weeks doesn’t add cultural or confidence it just adds expectations. I loved my family holidays. But it was ONE a year. At best. Keep normal alive. It’s rare on Instagram.’
Laura Jane, of course, was able to spend the entire holiday with her child, which isn’t a reality for a lot of households, like mine. I took one week off because my son’s school is closed, of course, and my daughter’s creche is closed on Good Friday and Easter Monday. And, well, I need a break from work!
But as one mum said, ‘Shout out to all the parents working all through the Easter holidays too! I’m son is 14 now so doesn’t really need me around in the holidays but I’d still like to have some time off and pretend he wants to hang out with me.’
And another replied, ‘both me and hubby are working. Son is 5 and is holiday club. The guilt I feel, but we both were unable to get any time off except for the bank holiday weekend, where we plan to do sweet f all and just slow down and spend some extra time together where we can.’
My kids have been in childcare for the first week of the Easter holidays. We are leaving Dublin and going to Galway for Easter itself – because I’m from there and we don’t have to pay for accommodation – we’re lucky that way. But unlucky, too, because we don’t have family nearby in our daily lives.
Whatever you do, you feel guilt as a parent. Even the holiday parents feel guilt, I’m sure, when the weather is not what they expected, or someone (inevitably) comes down with something.
But I think it is important to note that all children want at the end of the day is to be with you, going with the flow, and everyone in a good mood. A day building a fort in your living room is as good as a week spent learning how to ski. ‘Making memories’ does not have to include an infinity pool. One commenter on Laura Jane’s follow-up post said, ‘One of my core memories as a child was of my mum making sausage and chips and putting them in greaseproof paper and then newspaper so that we could pretend they were from a fish and chip shop.’
The pressure we feel to provide our children with a ‘perfect childhood’ is real. We’ve been sold the idea that they have to be constantly doing things and being entertained. Social media doesn’t help. But we really only get a few years with our children when they want to hang out with us, before they prefer the company of others. You don’t have to go away to do this.
Snuggling up together to draw and listen to music or audiobooks, choosing a family movie to watch together, spending the day in the park – they’re simple things, but they’re special too.
We hope you have a happy Easter holiday.
