It’s tough to catch up with my mates these days. Between their kids, full-time jobs and partners who deserve all the attention they can get, we barely see each other once a month – and that’s being optimistic. That’s why our boys’ trips have become so crucial.
When life keeps moving at a fast pace, these trips are our chance to reconnect and remind ourselves of the bonds we formed when we were younger. But whenever I bring up the idea of a trip, people often roll their eyes. They assume we’ll spend the whole time getting drunk and hunting for strip clubs, which is completely unfair. (We were only drunk about 90 per cent of the time, and good luck finding a strip club in Myanmar – believe me, we tried.)
Once you move past the stereotypes, it becomes clear how beneficial these trips are for male mental health.
“The boys’ trip is actually a powerful context where guys can connect,” says Dr Paul Sharp, a senior lecturer at UNSW, whose research focuses on men’s social connection and peer support in mental health.
“You might feel awkward just calling up a buddy and having a chat. But having this kind of shared context is a normative space where guys can connect with less social risk. They feel like they can open up a bit more, and be themselves.”
While this sounds great, Sharp explains that the men in his research project wanted deeper, more authentic ways to connect. The quarterly catch-up didn’t cut it.
How are the kids? Check. How’s the wife? Check. How’s the job? Thanks, I hate this conversation already, and I echo his sentiment.
But due to work, family and the pressures of modern life, this is the reality for many men. Our interactions are often limited to a quick coffee, post-work dinner or a trip to the pub. Even such catch-ups need to be carefully planned – the pub has to have play equipment, and we can only stay as long as little Teddy keeps his shit together, which is an hour, tops.
Travel changes that.
You’re no longer ships in the night but passengers on the same and oftentimes leaky boat, navigating unfamiliar waters. You’ll pile into tuktuks as you dodge bouts of gastro, conquering small challenges and commiserating over low-stakes failures. You’re not checking your phone or watching the clock but being truly present – a gift that becomes more precious the older I get.
“There’s actually a psychological process behind these shared experiences,” Sharp says. “Not just in terms of memories, but also the physiological aspect, and that helps strengthen your connection with someone.”
It makes a lot of sense. My strongest bonds weren’t built on the couch playing FIFA with these dopes, though it was a fantastic foundation for our friendships. It was in the 13th hour of what was supposed to be a nine-hour bus ride to Bangkok that our bonds were forged in fire.
It’s no revelation that the strength of these bonds is essential to male mental health. Such bonds help us share challenges and feel understood, and given that men are less likely to seek professional help, they form a safety net to catch us before we fall too far through the cracks. But like all good things, maintaining these bonds takes time, effort and energy – commodities that men tend to lack as we age.
I like to think of these trips as a booster shot. They’re an injection against isolation, a pill to prevent loneliness, with side effects that may include a bad sunburn, the occasional hangover and an inexplicable addiction to something called larb.
They might not be a silver bullet that solves every mental health problem, but they’re a rung on a ladder, one that many men must climb.
I’m sure my mates’ wives are reading this and rolling their eyes. But much as every journey begins with a single step, every boys’ trip begins when their partners give them a nudge out the door. (And we will happily do the same when you want to plan a getaway with your friends – I promise.)
“The value here is not just for the guys,” Sharp says. “They’re going to come back a better person afterwards. In terms of their mental health, their physical health and their stress levels, it’s a great antidote to the current challenges of modern life.”
And when alternatives range from loneliness and chronic conditions to literally medicating ourselves, the boys’ trip is the kind of pill I can get behind.
Make the most of your health, relationships, fitness and nutrition with our
Live Well newsletter
.
Get it in your inbox
every Monday
.
