The Grandparent Factor: An American Family’s Unexpected Discovery in the UK
When Zachary Lincoln, a 36-year-old father of two, and his wife Rebecca packed up their lives in Washington State and moved to the United Kingdom in October 2025, they anticipated a myriad of cultural differences. What they hadn’t prepared for was the profound and pervasive presence of grandparents in everyday British life, a phenomenon that stood in stark contrast to their American upbringing.
“Grandparents are everywhere,” Lincoln observes, recounting his initial observations. “At parks, at school pick-up, out for walks, sitting at cafés with their grandkids on a random weekday. It’s not a special occasion; it’s just life.” This deep and consistent involvement of extended family in the day-to-day lives of children struck him as a fundamental difference. In his experience, families in the US often live geographically dispersed, requiring significant advance planning for visits. The UK’s familial closeness, where grandparents feel integral to raising children rather than “optional” or distant, felt like a revelation.
A Different Family Dynamic: US vs. UK
Lincoln’s own childhood in Olympia, Washington, exemplified the typical American family structure. His father’s family was based in Massachusetts, a continent away. “When I was born, we were 3,000 miles away from our grandparents,” he explains. This geographical divide naturally fostered a sense of distance, even with regular communication like birthday cards. Actual visits were infrequent, occurring only every three or four years.
This contrasts sharply with the narrative he’s heard repeatedly since arriving in the UK. Many Britons have shared anecdotes about their retired parents relocating to be closer and assist with childcare. “It seems to be a very common story,” Lincoln notes. “I often hear: ‘If my child moved, I’d move with them.'”
This sentiment is largely absent from his American upbringing. “In the US, the common story is that parents retire and go off to do their own thing because they feel they’ve put in their time, and they don’t want to commit more,” he states, acknowledging that he has grandparents who fit both the “involved” and “independent” retirement moulds.
Observations from the Playground and Beyond
As Rebecca, a management consultant, continued her full-time work from home, Lincoln found himself spending considerable time with their two young daughters, exploring local parks and attractions. It was during these outings that the sheer volume of grandparental presence became undeniable.
“Often, I’d be the youngest adult at the park by far – sometimes by 30 years – I was surrounded by grandparents,” he recalls. This was a significant shift from his experience in the US, where park visits were typically dominated by mothers, with him often being one of the few male parents present. In the UK, the demographic was noticeably different.
The friendliness of these older Britons was also a notable aspect. Lincoln found himself engaging in conversations with them, though his presence as an American in a small village in the Peak District often sparked curiosity. “What was an American doing in a small village in the Peak District?” he jokes.
Education and Inclusion: Unexpected Positives
While Rebecca worked, Lincoln took on the responsibility of homeschooling their daughters. This arrangement was partly due to their nomadic search for a place to settle, having started in London and planning to explore Bristol, Devon, and Wales. During a visit to Chatsworth House, an encounter with a group of teachers left a lasting impression.
“They were genuinely enthusiastic about their jobs and even encouraged us to become UK citizens,” Lincoln recounts, a sentiment that deeply surprised him. “In the US, teachers are often overworked and underpaid, and rarely praise the system. These teachers were proud of what they did. It was emotional for us.” His wife, he adds, was “jaw on the floor throughout the entire conversation.” The diversity within the school group, featuring girls in hijabs and Jewish children in kippahs, was also a powerful and positive observation, showcasing a level of representation rarely seen back home.
The Driving Forces Behind the Relocation
The decision to leave the US was multifaceted, spurred by significant concerns. A harrowing active shooter incident at his daughter’s pre-school, where the children spent an hour and a half in a closet, served as a major catalyst. “It forced us to evaluate everything. We really had to critically reconsider what kind of life we wanted to live. Did we really want this to be our reality?”
Beyond immediate safety concerns, several broader factors influenced their choice. While initially considering Spain, the UK captured their hearts.
- Healthcare: Lincoln believes the NHS, despite its perceived shortcomings, is superior to privatised healthcare. “The NHS does not feel predatory like healthcare often feels in the US.”
- Inclusion: He perceives the UK as more actively focused on inclusion compared to the US, which he feels can sometimes lean towards segregation. “It’s far more common to see an interracial couple in advertisements or a same-sex couple in a random Boots ad. You would not see that at home. That would be absurd, because the US is very homogeneous. It’s either a Caucasian family, an African American family, or an Asian family. It’s subtle messaging, but it’s meaningful.”
- Women’s Rights: The erosion of women’s rights in the US was a significant worry for the Lincolns, especially as parents of two daughters. While not claiming expertise in UK politics, the presence of a female Prime Minister was seen as a positive indicator of women’s roles in society. He also noted the palpable sense of safety for women, citing his surprise at seeing women exercising alone at night in London, an act he deemed unthinkable in his hometown of Olympia due to safety concerns.
Settling In: A New Chapter
Despite missing certain aspects of the US, such as Mexican cuisine and the comfort of familiarity, the Lincolns have decided to make the UK their home. The five months spent there have been transformative. The profound level of grandparental involvement has left him with “deep admiration and respect.”
“Sometimes, I worry I can be too negative about the United States,” Lincoln muses. “It’s not all bad. Just bad enough to make us leave.” The UK, with its strong family ties, inclusive society, and a healthcare system that feels less transactional, has offered them a new and welcome reality.
