A Surprising Journey to Parenthood and Grandparenthood
Fiona first noticed Tom at her workplace, a feeling of instant chemistry sparking between them. This initial spark was fanned when she observed Tom frequently making coffee in the kitchen precisely when she was there. “He eventually worked up the courage to ask me out,” Fiona recalls. “We had a bit of a secret relationship for a few months, and then everyone found out and were actually really happy for us.”
At the time, both Fiona and Tom were 28. They were ambitious, hard workers who shared a passion for live music, large dogs, and hiking. What truly set Tom apart for Fiona, however, was his existing role as a father. Tom and his high school sweetheart had a baby when they were merely 16, having been together since they were 13. The immense pressure on their young relationship and their significant personal growth over those years eventually led to their separation at 20.
“There was something about Tom that really impressed me,” Fiona admits. “He was an incredibly dedicated worker, which everyone at the office noticed. He’d often leave early to pick up his daughter from school or take time off for school holidays. His commitment to being a parent was evident, and I found his seriousness about his responsibilities incredibly attractive.”
A year later, Fiona and Tom moved in together, bringing 13-year-old Mel under the same roof. “It wasn’t always smooth sailing, of course,” Fiona says. “But it helped that she wanted her dad to be in a relationship. Her mum had already remarried, and Mel didn’t seem to yearn for her parents to get back together.” Their bond grew so strong that when Fiona and Tom eventually married, Mel stood as one of the two bridesmaids.
Both Fiona and Tom were eager to start their own family, ideally with two children. Shortly after their wedding, they began trying for a baby. At 32, with a teenager already in their household, Fiona was initially optimistic. “Around that time, most of my friends were either pregnant, had a baby, or a couple of kids at home,” she explains. “I was so naive; I didn’t give it a second thought. We started trying at the beginning of the year, and I figured we’d have a baby by Christmas. I had it all planned out in my head – matching Christmas pyjamas and how we’d manage the day with our families.”
However, as Christmas approached, Fiona hadn’t even taken a pregnancy test. Each month, her period arrived like clockwork, bringing with it a fresh wave of disappointment. “I remember how unhappy I was that Christmas – just distraught,” Fiona shares. “I felt like a complete failure. Tom already had a child; he could get someone pregnant. Why couldn’t I?” After six months of trying, she consulted a doctor who conducted tests and found no immediate concerns, promising a referral if they hadn’t conceived after a year.
That year mark arrived, ushering in a period of appointments at fertility clinics. “The most challenging part, I believe, was that after all the testing – on both of us – they couldn’t pinpoint an obvious reason for our inability to conceive,” Fiona says. “I desperately wished they would call and say, ‘Oh, we’ve found it! There’s this thing we need to operate on you for, and then you’ll be all set.'” They underwent unsuccessful IUI (intrauterine insemination) and then, finally, a round of IVF. Heartbreakingly, the blood test following the embryo transfer confirmed Fiona was not pregnant. “I’ll never forget that phone call,” she recalls. “It was a brutal blow. I was supposed to attend a baby shower the next day, which I’d seen as a good omen, a chance to share my own happy secret. Instead, I was confined to bed for a couple of days, simply grieving.”
Meanwhile, Tom was already engrossed in spreadsheets, strategising ways to finance another attempt. They managed to secure the funds, and this time, the call they received was joyous. Fiona’s HCG levels were rising, indicating pregnancy. A few weeks later, an ultrasound scan revealed a flickering heartbeat.
“I can’t express how happy we were,” Fiona exclaims. “I was absolutely over the moon.” Tragically, at eight weeks, Fiona began bleeding, and the scan no longer showed a heartbeat. “A miscarriage is the hardest thing I’ve ever been through,” Fiona states. “There’s this insane crash from experiencing the highest happiness imaginable to having it violently ripped away, plunging you into the deepest pit of despair. In those weeks of being pregnant, your entire life transforms. You embark on a new path. You’ve planned the next nine months, but also the next 18 years – your whole future looks different. Then, in an instant, it’s gone, and you’re thrust back into your old life, but nothing feels right anymore.”
Tom and Fiona began to question if a baby was truly in their future, as it seemed so impossibly out of reach. Months later, Tom presented Fiona with a spreadsheet, exploring options for one last attempt. “I was 36 at that point, and it really reinforces the message we get that you’re past your prime then,” Fiona reflects. “But I wanted it so badly – we both did – so we decided to pursue that path.”
The following week, Mel, who had moved out and was living with her boyfriend, came over for dinner. She seemed unusually subdued. “Tom asked if she was okay, and she reached for her bag and handed him a present,” Fiona recounts. “It wasn’t his birthday, or even close to Father’s Day, so it was quite confusing.” Tom unwrapped the gift to find a t-shirt that read, ‘The Man… The Myth… The Legend… THE GRANDAD.’
“Our heads were spinning,” Fiona admits. “There was a whirlwind of emotions. Twenty is so young to be having a baby. It feels awful to say, but I also thought, ‘Why not me?’ and even wondered if Tom would still want a baby now that he was going to be a grandad! I really didn’t want her to feel like we weren’t excited or happy for her, but it was a massive shock and a real mix of feelings. Tom was speechless. His first instinct was to worry about her. And he was concerned about how I would feel; we hadn’t told her about our attempts to conceive or our IVF journey.”
Overwhelmed by the shock, Fiona and Tom decided to postpone their first IVF appointment by a month. “We just weren’t in the right headspace for it,” Fiona explains. “There were so many emotions to process. The temptation was there to just rush everything forward, but I knew I needed to get my head straight before embarking on that whole saga again. It requires absolutely everything you have, especially after experiencing a loss.”
A month later, Tom and Fiona had begun to come to terms with the impending arrival of their grandchild, all while they were in the midst of their own attempts to conceive. “Mel and her partner hadn’t planned to have a baby so early,” Fiona notes. “But her partner is wonderful and supportive, and Mel, while scared, is also very excited. Tom feels a huge responsibility to help her. He was living at home when Mel was born, and her mum moved in with his family for the first four years of Mel’s life. His parents provided financial, physical, and emotional support, and he feels a similar responsibility. I understand that! We just needed to figure out how we would manage it all.”
There was also the significant emotional hurdle to navigate. “It’s unpleasant, but one of the hardest aspects of fertility issues is trying so desperately to have a baby, only to see babies everywhere. You’ll never notice as many women pushing strollers as you do when you’re undergoing IVF. I had all these difficult feelings and felt so jealous and resentful when another friend would announce her pregnancy. So, yes, of course my stepdaughter announcing hers stirred up some hard feelings.”
Still feeling a bit unsteady, but acutely aware of the ticking clock, Tom and Fiona headed to their IVF appointment. Tom returned to work, while Fiona made a quick stop at a pathology lab before heading to her own workplace. “Honestly, after that appointment, I felt really deflated,” she says. “The statistics and graphs are difficult to digest, and I still carry the trauma of the miscarriage. I had a cry in my car before returning to work. I hated having those feelings, but yes, I felt frustrated that it was so challenging to have a baby, yet I was becoming a grandmother just like that!”
But then, something extraordinary happened. Fiona noticed she had missed a couple of calls during a work meeting. As she headed out to grab some lunch, she checked her voicemails. “The blood test showed I was pregnant,” Fiona reveals. “I assumed it was a mistake at first – how could I be pregnant? We hadn’t even started IVF.” Fiona called the clinic, and they expressed their excitement, confirming she was in the very early stages of pregnancy. Fiona then realised she was actually two days late for her period. She called Tom as she headed to a pharmacy near her work. “He was ten minutes away, so he came down with me, and I took a test in a mall bathroom,” she recounts. “We looked at the test together – there were two lines. It was incredible.”
The pregnancy was challenging, particularly the first trimester, as Fiona was consumed by fear and anxiety following her previous loss. However, after three months, they shared the news with their families and friends, and told Mel that her son – due in three months – would have an uncle in six months’ time. “It was Mel’s turn to be utterly speechless,” Fiona says. “She was so confused and shocked, she didn’t know what to do with herself. I explained our difficult journey to get here, and she was just thrilled for us.”
It’s now been three years since Fiona and Mel welcomed their sons. Their unusual situation often surprises people they encounter at the playground or trampoline park when they get together. Now, Fiona says things have become even more complicated. “Mel says she wants another child – but they plan to wait a long time before having their next,” Fiona shares. “We had never even considered a second child for ourselves – until, I realised my period was late the day before my 40th birthday party. Sure enough, I was pregnant. It makes no sense, but somehow we got incredibly lucky, and I conceived entirely naturally at 40. I can’t believe it, but we’ll have another baby early next year.”
