The Education Equation: Men “Marrying Up” as Tradition Rewrites Itself
A significant shift is underway in the Australian dating and marriage landscape, with exclusive analysis of census data revealing a historic reversal: for the first time, more men are “marrying up” the education ladder than women. This phenomenon is toppling a tradition that has endured for millennia, where women typically partnered with men possessing higher educational qualifications.
This evolving dynamic is vividly illustrated by Sunshine Coast couple Clare McFadden and Adam Dossetor. Adam, a 43-year-old handyman, and Clare, a 36-year-old biological anthropologist with a PhD, found common ground on their first date in May 2020, even debating the existence of aliens. Clare recalls their initial conversation with amusement: “He was very into beliefs about aliens… He was like: ‘I think aliens have probably visited Earth.’ And I was like: ‘No’.” She admits she wasn’t initially seeking a serious relationship, finding Adam’s “crazy ideas” and elaborate theories about pyramid construction entertaining. For Clare, Adam offered a glimpse into a world far removed from her risk-averse academic background. “He was into building chopper motorbikes and riding dirt bikes, stuff like that, and I came from this very risk-averse academic background,” she explains. “It was just so different to what I’d been exposed to… I liked pushing boundaries, doing stuff that I was a bit uncomfortable with… It was exciting.”
Adam readily acknowledges that Clare pushed him out of his comfort zone. While he notes the education gap, he struggles to pinpoint its exact impact, attributing it to a collection of subtle cues. “It was a lot of little things. She speaks a lot with big words and just general — just with more confidence, you know? Because she’s obviously backed up with a lot more knowledge.” He observes that some men in his social circles find this intimidating, becoming more guarded in their conversations for fear of being “shut down or proven wrong.” However, for Adam, Clare’s intellectual prowess was simply impressive. “I just felt like I had an amazing opportunity to be with this person, and that I had to really step up.”
Adam’s commitment to “step up” mirrors a growing trend across Australia. An analysis of census data for millions of married and de facto couples, conducted by the ABC, indicates that women are now more likely to outrank their male partners in terms of educational attainment than the reverse. In 2021, 34 per cent of men were partnered with women who had more education than themselves, compared to 30 per cent of women partnered with more educated men. This translates to nearly 198,000 more women with higher education than their husbands than women with less education than their husbands. This marks a substantial reversal from two decades prior, in 2001, when women with less education than their husbands outnumbered those with more education by over 478,000.
A Seismic Shift in Partnership Dynamics
This reversal represents a significant departure from a long-standing societal norm where women historically partnered with men of higher social standing, whether measured by income, education, or occupation. Belinda Hewitt, a sociologist at the University of Melbourne, describes these changes as “seismic,” noting that while the trend has been developing for some time, “it’s just smashed through now… Looking at this data, it’s really pronounced and really profound.”
The ABC’s research also highlights a phenomenon reported by numerous highly educated and high-earning women: they often find themselves avoiding highly educated men, perceiving them as potential competitors. One female barrister shared, “If I’m with a finance guy or a lawyer, it’s like my career is a threat to his masculinity or something. But with a tradie, he can still fix my car or fix the toilet, so he still feels like the man [in the relationship].” Clare McFadden echoes this sentiment, stating she backs this observation “100 per cent,” and admits she wasn’t fully aware of this dynamic until she entered her relationship with Adam.
The ABC’s analysis meticulously compared the highest level of educational attainment for approximately 5 million couples in 2021 and 3.4 million couples in 2001, encompassing both opposite-sex and same-sex partnerships. The study considered ten education levels, from no formal attainment to doctoral degrees, across five generations.
The Numbers Game: A Dating Deficit for Educated Women
Stephen Whyte, a behavioural economist at QUT, attributes the surge in women’s educational and professional achievements to significant impacts on the dating market. “It’s been extremely rapid in relation to the history of gender inequity,” he remarks, labelling it “a huge change” from an evolutionary perspective.
Data from the Australian Bureau of Statistics illustrates this disparity: among individuals under 35, there are only three university-graduate men for every four university-graduate women. This gap narrows slightly when TAFE qualifications are included, with nine men for every ten women under 35 holding either a TAFE or university qualification. This imbalance has led some to describe it as a “man-drought” or “dating deficit” for heterosexual women seeking traditional partnerships.
This lopsided equation has been linked to the rise of “hook-up culture” among college-educated men, who, according to US business journalist Jon Birger, possess “too much leverage” in the dating market and consequently delay settling down. Furthermore, Yale University anthropologist Marcia Inhorn connects this imbalance to record numbers of women freezing their eggs, as detailed in her 2023 book, Motherhood on Ice: The Mating Gap and Why Women Freeze Their Eggs. She posits that “the most educated women are increasingly forced to delay childbearing because they face a mating gap ― a lack of eligible, educated, equal partners ready for marriage and parenthood.”
Redefining Partnership: Beyond the Education Ladder
As women increasingly ascend the education ladder, a pertinent question arises: if the traditional direction for marriage was “up,” where does one go when already at the top? This is a question that Sydney couple Isabella and Kane navigate daily. Isabella, a doctor, and Kane, a rigger in construction, represent a union where educational backgrounds diverge significantly. Isabella holds three degrees and a professional doctorate, while Kane did not complete high school. Their differences extend to their personalities, wardrobes, and even the workplace gossip they share. Kane once discovered a colleague’s past involvement in kneecapping, while Isabella learned a colleague held a PhD in mathematics.
Despite these disparities, Isabella and Kane, who met on Tinder seven years ago, share a love for the outdoors, a dry sense of humour, and a passion for woodworking, catching lizards, and examining bugs. Isabella describes Kane as “very smart and funny, and very well read.” She reflects on her younger self’s desire for an “educated man,” but as she matured, she realised the distinction between education and intelligence.
Dr. Whyte explains that education, and by extension income, has historically served as a proxy for men’s quality, a factor deemed more important for women than men. This selectivity, he argues, is logical given the physical burden of childbearing women undertake and the higher stakes of a poor mate choice.
However, this perceived hierarchy can also lead to snobbery, particularly among older generations. Kathryn Pentecost, a writer and artist with a doctoral degree, shares her experience. While her partner, Geoff Bromilow, who left high school early, has been “only ever [been] really, really supportive,” Kathryn has encountered men, including a former partner, who found her academic success intimidating. “Men are intensely threatened… They want to put you back in your place,” the 68-year-old states. Clare McFadden notes that this intimidation can occur even among her peers, with potential suitors sometimes exhibiting “disappointment or disinterest when they realised that you’re smart and that you’re highly educated.”
Kane offers a different perspective, suggesting that the perceived unusualness of dating across the education divide stems from a lack of opportunity rather than avoidance. “I don’t think tradies avoid highly-educated women. I think their worlds just rarely intersect,” he explains. The differing schedules of university students and tradies, coupled with the post-university career focus of graduates versus the established careers of tradespeople, mean their paths seldom cross. Kane likens it to an “oil-and-water scenario” unless shared hobbies bridge the gap.
Education vs. Earnings: The Persistent Power Dynamic
While men are increasingly “marrying up” educationally, experts caution that this does not necessarily translate to income. Perth academic Megan, who holds a Graduate Certificate, Master’s, and PhD, is married to Mat, a welder and boilermaker with a Certificate IV. Despite her extensive academic qualifications, Mat, hour for hour, still out-earns her.
The national qualifications framework places trade qualifications below university degrees. However, Professor Hewitt notes that many plumbers, electricians, and other tradespeople in Australia earn significantly more than their university-educated wives. Professor Hewitt suggests that the value of a university degree has diminished due to “increased credentialing” over the past few decades, where even relatively routine occupations now require a degree.
Societal Impact: Navigating Traditional Norms
The question remains: how does this historic reversal in educational attainment truly shift power and status within society? A 2021 ANU study offered a concerning insight: domestic violence against female partners increased abruptly when a woman’s income surpassed her male partner’s. Crucially, however, these findings did not apply to relationships where the woman was more educated than her partner, as reported by lead author Robert Bruenig. “That doesn’t bother anybody,” he commented, contrasting it with the violation of gender norms when financial parity is disrupted.
Kane acknowledges facing criticism for a relationship that challenges gender stereotypes, but he believes the earnings gap, not education, is the more significant point of contention. “The attitude of ‘you aren’t a real man if you aren’t the breadwinner’ or that ‘she wears the pants’… is very real,” he observes. He recounts assumptions that he is a “kept man” when people learn his partner is a doctor, despite her not earning more than him. He also questions the financial viability of a single-income relationship in the current economy.
Research indicates that men are increasingly seeking wives who can contribute financially, a trend first noted by sociologists in the early 2000s. Professor Hewitt states, “You can no longer sustain a family on one income. Women’s incomes are… essential for the financial stability and viability of a family.” The ABC’s analysis supports this, showing that nearly 40 per cent of millennial women “married down” in terms of income compared to 27 per cent of boomer women.
Counterintuitively, Professor Hewitt’s research also suggests that women earning more than 70 per cent of household income undertake more housework than those earning half, a behaviour attributed to ensuring their male partners do not feel “completely emasculated.” Households with a female breadwinner, currently one in four in Australia, have been found to experience higher levels of divorce, conflict, and relationship dissatisfaction. Experts suggest this may be due to societal pressure on those who deviate from the norm.
However, evidence from overseas offers a more optimistic outlook. In the United States, for instance, women with higher education and earnings than their spouses are no longer more likely to divorce, a trend that has shifted since approximately 1990, according to sociologist Christine Schwartz. She attributes this to evolving societal perceptions of marriage.
Furthermore, contrary to any assumptions that highly educated women might remain unmarried, Professor Schwartz highlights that “educated women actually have higher marriage rates than women with less education.” She observes that in countries where women’s education levels are rising, there is a concurrent increase in relationships where women hold higher status than their male partners.
Diverse Strengths, Evolving Connections
Further research is required to ascertain whether the trend of men marrying up educationally reflects a genuine shift in partner preferences or is simply a consequence of the skewed dating demographic. Anecdotally, however, many women appear to embrace this new paradigm. Clare McFadden, the biological anthropologist, reveals she actively avoided men with PhDs even before meeting Adam, citing the inherently competitive nature of academia. “Academia, by its nature, encourages you to be highly competitive and so… often it does become a competition in terms of careers.” She questions the implications for career progression when one partner’s success might undermine the other’s aspirations.
For Isabella and Kane, the dynamic is one of mutual accommodation. Isabella notes that in medicine, constant relocation is often a necessity, allowing a partner in a trade to move with her, unlike another doctor or lawyer. “It’s kind of like the housewife who fits her life to his, but Kane fits his life to mine because I’ve got the career demands.”
Clare suggests that when partners possess different strengths, the focus shifts “less about power and more about who is best placed to do [something].” Megan views her boilermaker husband Mat’s practical skills and “know-how” as highly attractive, seeing his intelligence applied in ways that are often more useful for daily life than academic debates.
Ultimately, psychologists suggest that opening ourselves to dating individuals who differ from us, rather than fixating on a rigid “type,” can lead to more fulfilling connections. As psychologist Paul Eastwick posits, “People think so much about their ‘type,’ ‘oh, I gotta find the right kind of person.’ The truth of it is actually so much more inspiring… [People] have the potential for compatibility with many more people than they think.”
