A Deep Dilemma in Friendship
Milly is facing a tough situation that has left her unsure of what to do next. This issue goes back more than a decade, rooted in her long-standing friendship with Frances. The two have been part of a close-knit group since high school, enduring various challenges and even distance over the years. Despite this, their bond has remained strong.
One of the most significant tests of their friendship came when they were in their early twenties. They both discovered they had been dating the same guy without realizing it. Milly recalls how brutal that experience was. She admits she didn’t handle it well at the time. Both broke up with the guy, but Milly ended up dating him again a few weeks later, which upset Frances. They didn’t speak for a while after that.
“It was stupid,” Milly says. “The relationship with the guy didn’t last, and I should have known better. I shouldn’t have upset her by dating him again in the first place. It’s been more than 10 years now, and we’re fine. But sometimes, there still feels like a bit of competition or something between us.”
Now, Milly finds herself in another difficult position. She has discovered something potentially very wrong within Frances’ marriage and is seeking advice on what to do next.
A Suspicious Dating App Encounter
About six months ago, Milly was using a dating app after being in a five-year relationship that had ended. She hadn’t dated for about a year and was just starting to get back into the dating scene. One night, she saw someone named Mark pop up on the app. He looked like Jacob, who is Frances’ husband.
“My first thought was that someone had stolen his identity and was pretending to be him,” Milly explains. “I sent him a message with a screenshot and said, ‘Thought you should know someone is using your pic to catfish on Bumble!’”
Jacob replied almost immediately, saying, “Heck!! You’d think they’d at least try with some better pics! Thanks for letting me know. Gonna find out how to get them removed. Hope you’re finding some good dudes on there though? Not all catfish?”
After that, Milly didn’t really think about it. She didn’t say anything to Frances. It wasn’t a deliberate decision not to tell her; it was just that she had already informed Jacob, and he was handling it. A week or so later, they had dinner, and on the way there, Milly remembered the incident and was going to have a laugh with Frances about it but completely forgot about it. She hasn’t thought about it since.
A Disturbing Encounter at the Movies
Then, about two months ago, Milly met a guy on Bumble, and they’ve been dating ever since. She hasn’t told her friends much about him, but they know he exists and that it’s going well. Hopefully, they’ll meet him soon.
He lives in a different suburb from Milly, in a direction away from where the rest of her friends live. On the weekend, she stayed at his place, and one afternoon, they went to the movies at a quite weird theatre.
As they came out of their movie, Milly went to the bathroom. As she was coming out, she saw Jacob walk past—obviously going into a movie—with his arm around a woman who definitely wasn’t Frances. Milly is 100% sure it was him. She is also certain he was touching this woman in a way that wasn’t how you touch a friend or family member. It was clearly a date.
Struggling with the Decision
Now, Milly doesn’t know what to do. Her instinct is to tell Frances, which is what most people would probably advise. However, she doesn’t think that Frances and Jacob are in an open relationship or have any agreement allowing Jacob to date other women. Frances has never mentioned anything like that, and Milly knows they are trying for a baby.
She told the guy she’s seeing, and he said he’d probably keep it to himself because you don’t know what goes on in other people’s relationships and it’s better to stay out of it. She also called her mum, who had the same view—like she might just embarrass Frances and hurt their relationship.
Milly also has that slightly weird past with Frances that makes her doubt whether she should say something. She’s worried that she didn’t say anything about the Bumble profile, so she’s already on the back foot. She still has the screenshot of that, but she doesn’t have any proof of seeing Jacob at the movies. He could easily deny it and say it wasn’t him, and she was mistaken.
“But what if she’s trying for a baby and doesn’t know about the affair?” Milly wonders. “What if she’s already pregnant? I thought about writing some sort of anonymous letter to her?”
Milly is hoping to hear what readers think she should do.
