At 38, I made the difficult decision to leave my career and stay home with my child. This choice brought with it a mix of emotions—guilt, identity loss, and a shift in how I viewed money. Over time, I discovered new purpose and connection through shared experiences.
The decision to step away from work was not an easy one. I had been working since I was a teenager, and the idea of not doing so had never crossed my mind. When my husband and I got married, we discussed what our future would look like with children, and I assumed that I would effortlessly balance my career and motherhood. However, reality soon set in.
As first-time parents, we quickly realized that balancing work and family was an illusion. We decided that I would stay at home with our son during his early years, a choice that came with unexpected challenges. The sleepless nights and endless diapers were expected, but what truly surprised me were the invisible battles I faced.
On paper, our finances could manage on my husband’s income alone, but life is rarely as straightforward as it seems. I knew our lifestyle would change—becoming a one-car family, shopping secondhand more often, and eating out less—but I didn’t anticipate how my relationship with money would shift.
I felt guilty every time I spent money. After two decades of working, I was used to making and spending my own money without hesitation. I never thought twice about monthly manicures, dinners with friends, or buying gifts for my husband. Now, every purchase felt like a burden, and I constantly felt as though I was spending someone else’s money.
Despite my husband’s reassurance that it was our money, I was haunted by memories of my mom and step-dad arguing over who earned more and therefore who was more “valuable.” Eventually, I found ways to earn a small income outside of a traditional 9-to-5, from freelance writing to mystery shopping, and later took on a part-time work-from-home job. This gave me a sense of financial independence.
My résumé no longer mattered. Throughout my career, I had built up an impressive list of experience, certifications, and knowledge. But when I became a stay-at-home mom, none of it seemed relevant anymore. My days were filled with changing diapers, cleaning up spit-up, and managing the daily chaos of parenting. I wondered if I was wasting everything I had worked so hard for.
What I wish I could have told myself back then was that my professional experience combined with my role as a primary caregiver would eventually provide me with unique insights and opportunities. But in the moment, I felt lost and disconnected from the person I once was.
My identity shifted. I knew that becoming a mom would change who I was, but I didn’t realize how much it would impact me and how others would see me. No longer was I greeted with “How are you doing, Laura?” Now it was “How are you doing, mama?” The identity of being a mom overshadowed all other aspects of my life.
Who was I now that I didn’t have an official title? Who was I when I wasn’t recognized for my contributions, and when my biggest accomplishment was surviving the day wearing the same shirt I started with? I felt untethered. The old me was gone, the new me was in survival mode, and the future me was still being formed.
I felt so much guilt during my career break. It came in many forms—from feeling guilty that I didn’t enjoy every moment to feeling guilty that I wished I could work outside the home. I carried this weight alone until I found a group of women who understood. Some had taken a break from their careers because they wanted to; others because it made financial sense.
When I finally voiced my feelings, I felt understood, supported, and most importantly, seen. While it didn’t erase the guilt or my struggles, I was reminded that I wasn’t alone.
Today, I have the privilege of working with women as they navigate these same emotions. What once felt like losing myself has become the path to finding my purpose.
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