A Night of Drama and Emotional Turmoil
Welcome back, my friends! Have you all recovered from the emotional rollercoaster? Hydrated? Emotionally reconstituted? Excellent, because tonight is one hell of a reunion.
For us, it’s been less than a week since Rachel and Steve chose each other, David chose himself, Danny dumped Bec (as foretold by literally everyone), and Stella and Filip got properly engaged. For the cast, though, it’s been a month – and now they’re all back for a full cast dinner party.
Watch: Didn’t catch the last episode? Here’s a clip of Bec and Danny’s final vows. Post continues below.
Stella, I’m thrilled to report, is still wearing her rock – and still crying, bless her heart. She and Filip are disgustingly happy and I would like to live inside their joy bubble forever, please and thanks.
We must, however, move on to our poor baby bird Rachel, who is also crying – but for very different reasons.
“Steven and I have broken up,” she says. “He’s not ready for a relationship because he can’t prioritise one.” Which, sadly, is exactly what she feared all along.
It hurts, and while I’m devastated for them, not one of us is surprised.
“I do truly believe that we love each other,” she adds. “It’s just… here we are.”
Oh, the ache of it.
Next, we catch up with Alissa, who is still serving Evil Temptress with her wet-look hair and slo-mo mirror-gazing. She’s still reeling from David’s ‘disrespect’ at final vows.
“I’m expecting an apology from David,” she says. “It’s the least he can do.”
David, meanwhile, regrets only one thing: not leaving faster. If he had his time again, he’d have sprinted. He has absolutely no interest in apologising. We love to see it.
Scott is also feeling good – proud, even – about ending things with Gia, and hopes they can “have a laugh” tonight.
Gia, for her part, has “healed” and is no longer accepting “breadcrumbs.”
“I’m back in my power,” she says.
Which, I think we can all agree, is the reddest of all red flags.
Elsewhere, fan fave Joel is on his comedy A game. Mr Masculine himself, Tyson, is still flexing his pecs and spouting absolute tripe about women. And Steph has been… texting Danny?
We learn this via Bec, who has apparently conducted a full forensic audit of said messages and concluded that something is “murky.”
Danny claims total innocence. Bec, alone in her Uber, absolutely unloads about what a rat he is.
Promising signs all round.
At drinks, Bec is already shaking and crying as she debriefs with Alissa. Rachel arrives and dissolves before she even reaches the bar. Two (not quite) love stories, in pieces on the floor.
Image: Nine
Next to arrive are Grayson, Rebecca, and delightful Farmer Luke, who is wearing freedom well. Alissa gathers them all together to spill the tea on how David walked away from her – like, left her alone at the altar and WALKED AWAY.
Why, the others ask, what were his reasons? Oh, she says, just some stuff about standing up for himself.
As with the ring issue, his walking away is the only detail she can focus on. Nothing else matters.
Right on cue, David arrives – cool, calm, and firmly boundaried. Alissa cannot cope.
When he goes in for a hug, she just repeats, “It’s a lot, it’s a lot,” ensuring maximum attention. He wisely hits the bar.
Seconds later, Alissa drags him to the same couch on which he returned her ring on bended knee. She is fuming and, deliciously, convinced he will crumbled beneath her righteous wrath. Reader, he does not.
Image: Nine.
“It was just something I needed to do.”
“You’re a coward,” she says. “Your ego got the better of you, and you walked away like a little boy.”
Respectfully, he disagrees. He did face the music. Then he turned it the hell off. And he won’t sit there and be lectured.
She goes in again. “What you did –” she begins.
“What I did,” he cuts in, “was one hundred percent justified.” KING.
She stomps back to the group to complain he’s rude, but he’s given his very last f***.
Door closed, lights off, no forwarding address. She hates it. I love it.
The mood is briefly rescued by Stella and Filip and their big engagement news. The room erupts. It’s pure joy.
Image: Nine.
But then Bec then whisks Stella away to dump her news about Steph and Danny.
She sent him a bikini pic. He replied with two love hearts. It’s all so murky.
She tries to have it out with Steph, who responds with serene indifference. Yep, she understands why Bec might feel that way. Mmm.
Sure. Uh-huh.
“This is not my problem,” she says later. “It’s not deep.”
Faced with this level of calm, Bec visibly deflates. “Thanks for… being an adult.”
More cast members roll in. Julia, Tyson, Sam, Mel, Juliette, Chris, Silver Steve. Joel rocks up with a round of applause for himself. Grayson kisses everyone.
Sweet Steve’s arrival is tough to take – his break-up with Rachel is still super raw… and he doesn’t seem super sure about the decision.
“I’m a bit upset,” he says.
They go to the Couch of Conflict. She sobs. She seems angry. He looks scared. And we weren’t there when they split, but it sounds to me like maybe she preemptively broke it off and he didn’t fight it?
She still loves him, though. And when she tells him as much, he pulls his ring from his pocket and pops it back on his finger.
Guys. GUYS. Come on. Don’t play with me like this.
Image: Nine.
Scott arrives looking healthier – but the second Gia walks in, his face drops and his whole body tenses. It’s like watching someone re-enter a haunted house.
Tyson and Steph have a little chat about life after marriage.
She says she’s been dating; Tyson has a stab at flirting.
“Ooh,” he says, “I’m a little bit jealous.”
He suspects that, having experienced the full might of his ‘masculine energy’ (everybody take a drink), she has gone for someone softer. And maybe she now misses him?
Ugh, can someone please get Louis Theroux in here because his Manosphere doco failed to cover this absolute halfwit.
Last to arrive is Danny, who is feeling very safe.
“I’m from East London,” he says, suited and booted like a real Saville Row twat. “I’ve walked in rooms where I didn’t know if I was gonna get out alive.”
Yes, because the upscale lofts and luxury penthouses of Shoreditch and Canary Wharf are notorious for their gang violence.
When he walks in, Bec is having a proper moan to Silver Steve. “He said I’m his soulmate,” she says. “But as a friend.”
Yeah, that’s not a soulmate, hon.
Their first few words are pretty uneventful. He’s fully expecting to cop a spray; she seems determined to stay cool. “Is that it?” he murmurs.
No, you fool, of course not.
When dinner is announced, he insists they sit together. “You sure?” she says. “You don’t want Steph to sit here?” And we’re back in the game.
“We’re not allowed to be friends with people?” he says.
“I don’t think so, Daniel,” she purrs.
Ding, ding, round one.
Filip kicks things off with a wholesome toast, which Tyson immediately derails by demanding David justify his actions at final vows. Chaos erupts. Alissa tries to talk over him – he shuts it down. When she invites him to air everything, he bites.
Did she or did she not get some guy’s number during the flight back to Adelaide to return her wedding dress?
She tries to interrupt. He holds the floor. She scrambles. He doesn’t budge, doesn’t pander.
He has an answer for everything. He couldn’t care less. He calls her ‘bruv.’ It is pure gold.
“He obviously has no respect,” she says in an aside, crying.
“It really hurts because I was falling in love with him.” Sorry, sweetheart, but I don’t believe you.
Image: Nine.
Meanwhile, Bec and Danny step aside. She wants accountability; he offers vague explanations. She feels played. She brings up the texts with Steph.
“The ink still hasn’t dried on our divorce papers,” she says, “and you’re messaging another bride?”
Reader: there are no divorce papers. There were no actual marriage papers either. He is not her ex-husband. Because NONE OF IT IS REAL.
She ploughs on. He shouldn’t have strung her along. She believed him, trusted him, and he made her feel worthless.
“You’re talking about final vows like I led you to your own death,” he says.
“That’s how it felt,” she replies. Oh, honey, please go tell it to a professional.
From the sidelines, John nails it: what she’s actually trying to do is prove herself right.
Deep down, she knew he didn’t feel the same way. And there were plenty of opportunities for him to tell her the truth. But he didn’t. Instead, he made her feel like she was the problem, like she was reading it wrong, like she couldn’t trust her own instincts. Which is it’s special own kind of torture.
And then – because we haven’t suffered enough – Gia then takes obscene delight in telling Tyson about the bikini pics. So then Tyson clinks his glass again and demands a public explanation.
Another fight breaks out. Steph and Danny deny any funny business, but Tyson isn’t having it and it’s all too much for Bec. She loses her mind. Danny sent love hearts!
LOVE HEARTS!
Image: Nine.
It escalates fast. Steph tries to calm it. Bec goes nuclear. “WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?” she screams at Danny and Steph.
“HOW DARE YOU DO ME LIKE THIS?”
She stands up, calls them both “scurvy seadogs,” tells everyone to shut up, and storms out.
Backstage, she sobs. “I love him,” she says. “I’m sorry, I didn’t think this would happen.”
Well, that would make you the only one, babe.
The damage is done. Bec has learned nothing. She’s back where she started. Danny, meanwhile, climbs onto his moral high horse and gallops into the sunset. He’s done nothing wrong, she’s unhinged, end of story.
And thus ends this sorry, sorry tale. Shakespeare it ain’t, but the tragedy is real.
Join me tomorrow for the actual final episode. One last hurrah, and then we can all run free with Farmer Luke into fields of gold. Hallelujah.
Feature Image: Nine.
