The age-old saying “Men are from Mars, and women are from Venus” has been a common refrain in discussions about relationships for decades. While this phrase was popularized by John Gray’s book, it continues to resonate with many individuals who find themselves overwhelmed by the modern dating scene.
According to a report by Forbes, 78% of people using dating apps feel emotionally, mentally, or physically exhausted by the process. Additionally, 41% have experienced being ghosted, and 40% struggle to form meaningful connections. Women, in particular, seem more frustrated than men, with 80% expressing dissatisfaction compared to 74% of men. Dr. Rufus Tony Spann, a certified sex therapist, suggests that this frustration stems from the cycle of hope followed by disappointment when potential matches fail to meet expectations.
However, there may be an explanation for this growing disconnect—unrelated to technology itself. A study conducted by Feeld in 2025 found that straight millennial men might be contributing to the issue.
The research, which surveyed 2,500 Feeld members, revealed that nearly seven in 10 heterosexual men aged 29 to 44 have either never updated or rarely update their dating app profiles since their initial sign-up. This means that even after years of swiping, their profile picture could still be the same as when they first joined. These photos often include questionable choices, such as the infamous “man holding fish” trend, despite repeated complaints from users.
In contrast, women are more likely to update their bios over time. Specifically, 27.8% of women have done so since downloading the app. Millennial women, in particular, are the most active in making changes, especially those who identify as queer, pansexual, polysexual, omnisexual, or bisexual (with 89% making updates).
For women, these updates are essential in addressing common questions from their matches and clearly outlining their deal-breakers. Men, on the other hand, are 2.6 times less likely to do this.
Another finding from the study is that men tend to avoid putting in the effort for love. They consistently choose shorter maximum match distances, which they are more likely to adjust over time. Meanwhile, women maintain higher distance preferences regardless of how often they tweak their search settings.
This pattern suggests that men are not investing as much effort into their dating experiences. According to Mona Chalabi, a dating expert and journalist, the clearest pattern in the data comes down to gender rather than sexual orientation, age, or geography.
“When you’re trying to figure out who is most likely to fall into these categories, it’s not so much about sexual orientation or age or geography—the clearest pattern comes down to gender,” she said.
Mona also considered possible reasons for this gender split. She speculated that women may be more clear about what they want and are less inclined to change their search preferences. Another possibility is that women’s lives are more dynamic, leading to more frequent changes in their profiles due to exciting developments they may not want to describe in detail.
“Whatever the reasons are, most of us don’t simply sign up and search,” she concluded. “Almost 90% of us change our bios at some point after we join the site, and 92% change our search settings.”
“Because good connections require luck and a bit of effort—most of us know that means a little tinkering now and then.”
