The Compulsion to Please Others: A Deep-Rooted Female Tendency
The urge to please others is often seen as a natural trait in women. Despite the evolution of gender roles and power dynamics in modern society, the burden of people-pleasing still falls disproportionately on women. This tendency can lead to significant emotional and physical strain, particularly when it involves suppressing one’s own needs to maintain harmony.
This behavior is influenced by a combination of social conditioning, emotional awareness, and persistent sexism. Women are often socialized to prioritize others’ feelings over their own, which can result in saying “yes” when they mean “no,” taking on extra responsibilities without sufficient time or energy, and neglecting personal well-being. This pattern can be exhausting and detrimental to mental and physical health.
The Impact of People-Pleasing on Health
Recent studies have highlighted the toll that people-pleasing can take on the body, especially when it involves self-silencing—suppressing emotions, monitoring behavior, and avoiding self-expression to prevent conflict. One study conducted by the University of Plymouth found that women with fibromyalgia were more likely to report lifelong patterns of self-silencing. Another study published in PsyCh Journal in 2025 revealed that higher levels of people-pleasing tendencies were associated with lower mental wellbeing among Chinese university students.
As Easter approaches, many women find themselves preparing for family gatherings, children, and friends. While it’s natural to want everyone to enjoy the holiday, it’s essential to balance this with self-care. Understanding the roots of people-pleasing can help individuals recognize when they’re compromising their own needs.
The Origins of People-Pleasing
People-pleasing is a learned behavior, often rooted in childhood experiences and societal expectations. According to Ruth Kudzi, a coaching psychologist and author of How to Feel Better, the brain is constantly scanning the environment for threats, including rejection or disapproval. When a threat is perceived, many women may adopt the “fawn” response—pretending everything is fine to avoid conflict. This behavior can provide temporary relief and reinforce neural pathways through dopamine release.
It doesn’t help that women are often rewarded for this behavior. Positive reinforcement from others can make it difficult to break the cycle. For example, if someone spends hours organizing an event but forgets to eat, they might not receive reminders about their own needs. Instead, they’ll hear gratitude and be asked to repeat the task next year.
Long-Term Consequences
Over time, people-pleasing can become deeply ingrained, leading to severe consequences. Bonnie Lambert, a psychiatric nurse practitioner at Crestview Recovery, explains that for those with a history of trauma, being pleasing to others can serve as a survival mechanism. In some cases, self-worth becomes tied to being needed and approved of by others.
Dr. Candice O’Neil, a psychologist, notes that many women accept their role as people-pleasers, viewing it as natural due to historical and societal expectations. However, this can lead to neglecting one’s own emotional wellbeing, especially during busy times like Easter.
The Added Pressure of Family Gatherings
During Easter, the pressure to please can intensify, particularly when surrounded by family and young children. Dr. O’Neil explains that parents may feel responsible for ensuring their children have a good time, often at the expense of their own emotional needs. This can lead to a loss of personal time and increased stress.
Jane Ollis, a medical biochemist and founder of Neurotech Company SONA, describes the toll this can take on the nervous system. “If you’re a people-pleaser, you don’t just attend Easter; you run Easter,” she says. From a neuroscience perspective, this is a form of emotional labor, involving co-regulating multiple nervous systems. While it’s a generous gesture, it means the individual’s system never truly switches off.
Strategies for Self-Care
Combating people-pleasing requires conscious effort and unlearning deep-seated patterns. Jane Ollis suggests recognizing when the brain is switching into people-pleasing mode. A quick “yes, of course!” before checking in with oneself is a sign. Once identified, challenging these impulses can help create space for self-care.
This might involve taking a moment to reflect before responding, setting boundaries, or paying attention to physical signals like anxiety, a racing heart, or shortness of breath. “The real shift happens when you stop outsourcing your decision-making to others’ needs,” Ollis adds.
Finding Balance
While changing these habits is easier said than done, the process becomes more manageable with practice. Dominique Stelling, a psychologist and life coach, emphasizes that the shift is subtle but powerful. It involves moving from managing the external environment to creating internal stability. This allows individuals to remain caring and connected without sacrificing their own well-being.
Not abandoning oneself sounds like a meaningful goal for any Easter weekend—especially considering the long-term health benefits.
