A Footballer’s Fight Against the Stigma of Suicide: Will Vaulks’s Powerful Mission
Will Vaulks, a midfielder for Oxford United, carries a profound personal mission that extends far beyond the football pitch. His work as an ambassador for the suicide-prevention charity Baton of Hope and his passionate advocacy for mental health awareness stem from a deeply personal tragedy: the loss of both his grandfathers to suicide within a mere 18-month period when he was a teenager.
Vaulks recalls his grandfathers with distinct fondness, painting a vivid picture of two very different, yet equally loved, men.
Grandad Tom: Described as a “Jack the lad” type, Grandad Tom was a lively character. Vaulks remembers his motorbike, a red Kawasaki 500, and a playful phrase he’d use when looking after the children: “When the cat’s away, the mice will play.” This epitomised the carefree, rule-free fun they’d have in his parents’ absence. He was, in Vaulks’s words, “brilliant fun.”
Grandad Hywel: In stark contrast, Grandad Hywel was the epitome of gentleness. Vaulks remembers him as a kind, loving man, embodying the classic image of a supportive grandparent. He evokes the comforting scent of baked apple crumble from his house and recalls being read stories on his knee. Grandad Hywel also introduced him to activities like badminton and frisbee, leaving a legacy of quiet affection and shared moments.
The devastating reality of losing both men to suicide at such a young age – Grandad Tom when Vaulks was 13 and Grandad Hywel less than 18 months later when Vaulks was 14 – left an indelible mark. “It was hard,” Vaulks shared, speaking from the outskirts of Oxford. “One was shocking enough and then to have another one… yeah, it’s like a bomb goes off in your family – it’s the only way I can explain it.”
The ripple effects of these losses were significant for his family. His mother experienced severe anxiety attacks following her father’s death, even requiring an ambulance at one point. His grandmother, Grandad Hywel’s wife, suffered a mental breakdown and was subsequently sectioned, spending the remainder of her life in care.
These experiences have left Vaulks with enduring questions and a complex understanding of grief. “You are left with questions for the rest of your life. It’s a really, really complex grief, and it goes on for a long time. We just wish that instead of making that decision, they’d have put their hand up and said, ‘Listen, I’m struggling here, I don’t know what’s going on, can we get some help?’”
In his youth, Vaulks found solace and an escape from the pain in football. The rigorous training schedule, three days a week, and his dedication to running in the evenings – a pursuit he now recognises as a form of mindfulness – provided a much-needed outlet.
This deeply personal pain has fuelled his commitment to using his public platform as a footballer to make a difference. As an ambassador for Baton of Hope, he actively engages with young people, visiting schools to discuss psychological safety with sixth formers. His involvement in Oxford United’s “Can We Talk?” campaign earned him accolades, including an award from FifPro, the global footballers’ association, and a €10,000 prize to further his cause.
Demonstrating his dedication, Vaulks recently hosted a suicide-awareness workshop for 150 people at Oxford’s Kassam Stadium. He plans to utilise the prize money to fund suicide prevention training for all attendees, stating, “I wanted that money to go back into the Oxfordshire community … and to have something tangible that we can look back on and be proud of.”
Vaulks is a vocal advocate for professional football clubs to adopt Baton of Hope’s workplace pledge. This commitment aims to dismantle the stigma surrounding suicide and equip staff with the knowledge and understanding of psychological safety. However, his ultimate ambition is more direct: to prevent other families from enduring the same anguish his has experienced. “It sounds a bit corny, but it’s so true: if it stops one person taking their own life, and one family does not have to go through the anguish and the grief that mine’s been through, then every bit of this work is worth it.”
The stark reality of suicide’s impact is undeniable. It remains the leading cause of death for British men under 45 and women under 35. Vaulks frequently encounters individuals affected by suicide, drawing a powerful analogy: “If I was hearing about this many car crashes, we’d be like, ‘F***ing hell, we’ve got to do something about the roads’. So we have to be doing something about it. Everywhere I go, somebody’s lost somebody.”
He firmly believes that suicide is not an insurmountable force but a preventable tragedy. Vaulks highlights the immense burden suicide places on those left behind, estimating it affects approximately 134 people. He passionately argues that the burden of reaching out for help is significantly less than the burden of taking one’s own life. “I feel really passionately that people need to understand that when they’re struggling, the burden that you will put on your family or friends by asking for help or by reaching out is far, far, far less than the burden when you take your own life.”
Vaulks urges open communication and encourages people to ask questions, fostering courage for deeper conversations, even when they feel uncomfortable. His simple yet profound mantra is: “Be nice, ask twice.” He elaborates, “Instead of just going, ‘You all right, yeah? Good,’ and then moving on, it’s like, ‘No, really, how are you, what’s going on?’”
The societal landscape has shifted significantly since Vaulks’s grandfathers’ era of stoicism. Yet, a concerning segment of young men are increasingly drawn to online echo chambers that promote outdated and harmful notions of masculinity.
Reflecting on the current climate, Vaulks commented on Louis Theroux’s Netflix documentary “Manosphere,” describing it as the “polar opposite of what we want right now.” He asserts that true strength lies in vulnerability. “Being vulnerable is really hard. I don’t particularly want to stand on stage tonight in front of 150 people and tell my personal story, and how I lost my grandfathers, but I know that by doing that and showing vulnerability, there’ll be people in the room that think, ‘You know what, I’m going to show that I’m vulnerable and I’m struggling’.”
Vaulks’s deepest hope is for his own children to feel empowered to speak up and seek help. He believes that if his grandfathers had felt safe and encouraged to be vulnerable, they might have lived longer, happier lives, witnessing more of the joy his family has experienced. “We really feel like if my grandads had done that then they’d have had a longer life and seen some really happy times that our family have had. But they didn’t feel safe enough, or it wasn’t talked about enough, for them to be vulnerable and say, ‘I’m struggling’.”
Oxford, tragically, has become a poignant setting for Vaulks’s campaign, given the club’s history with suicide. The club lost one of its greatest players, Joey Beauchamp, to suicide in 2022. This was followed by the death of a young Oxford fan and non-league footballer, Jack Badger, by suicide two years later. The club, in conjunction with Baton of Hope and the Joey Beauchamp Foundation, has also received recognition for their vital work in this area.
“I’m really grateful to the club for supporting me,” Vaulks stated. “I want more football clubs to support me, because at the end of the day, it will save lives. We have proof of that.”
An unexpected but welcome consequence of Vaulks’s tireless campaigning has been a personal sense of unburdening. The anger he carried from his childhood has gradually dissipated, allowing him to engage more openly with friends and his close-knit family. He hopes this personal transformation will serve as a lasting legacy of Grandad Tom and Grandad Hywel.
“We now and then talk about it at Christmas and things. You have to come to a point as a family where you think, that was a really hard time and now we remember them with fondness. Now it’s about the future. Now it’s about how I can use my life to help others, because then my grandads potentially ended up saving lives.”
If you are experiencing feelings of distress, or are struggling to cope, you can speak to the Samaritans in confidence on 116 123 (UK and ROI), email [email protected] or visit the Samaritans website to find details of your nearest branch. If you are based in the USA, and you or someone you know needs mental health assistance right now, call or text 988, or visit 988lifeline.org to access online chat from the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. This is a free, confidential crisis hotline that is available to everyone 24 hours a day, seven days a week. If you are in another country, you can go to www.befrienders.org to find a helpline near you.
