Louis Theroux’s Candid Thoughts on Monogamy and Long-Term Relationships
Renowned documentary filmmaker Louis Theroux, known for his in-depth explorations of niche and often challenging subcultures, has recently offered a refreshingly honest perspective on the institution of monogamy. Speaking in the wake of his latest documentary examining the rise of toxic male influencers, Theroux, 55, shared his views on long-term relationships, prompting a fascinating discussion about the evolving nature of commitment in modern society.
Married to TV director Nancy Strang for 14 years, Theroux is a father to three sons: Albert, 20, Frederick, 17, and Walter, 10. His previous marriage to writer Susanna Kleeman lasted from 1998 to 2001. In a resurfaced interview from last year with Rylan Clark on his podcast, “Rylan,” Theroux delved into his personal philosophies on relationships.
When asked by Clark if he could ever embrace polyamory, Theroux responded thoughtfully. “Well, could I?” he mused. “What I would say is that I have never been and have no plans to be [polyamorous]. But what I would say is, what about being monogamous if you marry like… marriage has been around for thousands of years…”
Theroux then highlighted the stark contrast between historical lifespans and contemporary longevity. “Probably 2,000, 3,000 years ago, people lived to be about 45, so you’d be married for about 20, 30 years. Now we live to 90, 100, 110.”
This shift in lifespan, he argued, presents a significant challenge to the traditional concept of lifelong monogamy. “So you could be married for 90 years,” Theroux continued. “Can you imagine being with one partner for 90 years? Would that be a life well-lived?”
He acknowledged the potential beauty and depth in such a commitment but also admitted to a feeling of constraint. “I mean, it sounds almost a bit crass to define things in those terms, and maybe there’s something incredible,” he said. “It does feel imprisoning in an odd way. And don’t you want to get to the end of your life and feel like you tried everything on the buffet? Do you know what I mean?”
Clark playfully retorted, “I think I’ve eaten a lot from the buffet.” Theroux, with a laugh, responded, “There’s still a lot on the buffet, but are you full up, maybe?” The exchange underscored the complex interplay between societal expectations and personal desires when it comes to romantic partnerships.
The Joy of the Dance Floor: How Louis Theroux Fell for Nancy Strang
Beyond his philosophical musings, Theroux also offered a rare and tender glimpse into the beginnings of his relationship with his wife, Nancy Strang. In an appearance on “The Receipts Podcast” in 2024, he recounted the specific moment he realised he was falling in love with her, an anecdote that centres around her impressive dancing skills.
Theroux and Strang, who married in 2012, had been on several dates before Theroux witnessed Strang on the dance floor for the first time. He recalled being particularly captivated when she danced to Fat Joe’s “What’s Luv” featuring Ashanti.
“I’d been on three or four dates with her, but I’d never seen her on the dance floor,” Theroux explained to hosts Tolly and Audrey. “And I always used to think that I was an okay dancer; well, I liked to dance, and I thought I was moving in time. But when I saw her, I was like, ‘Oh my God, that’s what a really good dancer looks like.’ She was just so sinuous and silky on the floor. And I thought, wow, she’s out of my league.”
Host Tolly quipped in response, “Sinuous and silky on the floor. They don’t make them like you anymore, Louis.” This lighthearted moment revealed a more personal and perhaps unexpected side to the usually reserved documentarian.
Navigating Loss: The Heartbreak of Miscarriage and Difficult Births
In contrast to the joyful anecdotes, Theroux has also been open about the profound challenges his family has faced. In his 2019 autobiography, “Gotta Get Theroux This,” he shared the heartbreaking experience of his wife suffering two miscarriages before the “traumatic” birth of their third child.
While generally private about his personal life, Theroux used his autobiography to candidly discuss his relationships, his children, and past marital difficulties. He wrote poignantly about the emotional toll of pregnancy loss.
“I cursed myself for the foolhardiness we’d shown in taking [Nancy] through the blood-letting of another round of human creation,” he penned. “Getting to term [in her pregnancy] had been a trial; two had ended in miscarriage. There were tears on a weekend in Yosemite.”
He described the profound inadequacy of language to express the depth of their grief and the social forms he was accustomed to. “We’d been through nothing like that before,” Theroux wrote. “A language of grief and the social forms I was versed in did not seem adequate to the occasion. But sadness was complete, and if I’m honest, I didn’t understand what she was going through. It still seemed abstract to me, whereas for Nancy, the babies had been real.” This candid reflection highlights the different ways individuals process loss and the immense strength required to navigate such profound personal tragedies.
